Our School Trip
Yay,
yay! Kuranui School drove to New World to learn about healthy food. Lee and Kim
came to help us to learn about healthy food.
After
the year ones, twos and threes went to New World we went to the park. Leah and
I put Charlotte on the swing. I went on the slide.
After
the year ones, twos and threes went to the park we went to Subway. We got a
delicious Subway for lunch.
By Lucille
Lucille, I like how you started with a hook and used time linking words to show a clear sequence of events. You used great specific nouns and some clever adjectives.
ReplyDeleteNext time remember to include powerful verbs to replace boring words like 'went'.